Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
