He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
