NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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