In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found your dick twin last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is Oprah even human
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
