yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
