I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
