nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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