If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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