the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
