Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
