it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
