$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
