I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
