Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
