just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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