When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
