did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize