Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize