There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
