This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
