I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
