Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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