hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We are all done wearing pants today
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
