when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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