blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
