I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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