i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
