I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
