Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
