I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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