I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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