My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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