Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
