You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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