Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
