we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize