Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
