remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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