dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
