If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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