i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
