You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
