She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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