Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
