Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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