May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
