He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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