My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
