I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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