Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
