Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
