it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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