You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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