I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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