tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
