I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
