Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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