Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
