i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
