Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I deserve this hangover.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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