he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
