we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
