i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
