Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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