There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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