You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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