I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
