CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize