i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just invented taco cereal.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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