so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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