I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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